\ I Have to Do Something | Christina Brandt

Christina Brandt

Thursday, July 25th, 2024 | Making "What's Next?" What Matters ™

I’ve been hyper and nervous all day.

My calendar’s empty.  Not one appointment.

Nothing I feel like doing, or that’s urgent.   I should be glad to have the free time, right?

So, I walked a little.

Then I puttered around the house a little.

Then I played endless rounds of Solitaire on my computer.

Then I tried writing.  Then I tried reading.

But I’m too distracted to do anything “well.”

Maybe now I should get myself on a train and go to New York City?  Because it’s a gorgeous day and I’m supposed to be outside before the weather changes and it gets too hot and humid and there’s so much of NY I still want to see despite having lived here my whole life and it’d be good to go before my house sells and before I have to start packing and before I move and can’t easily get to NY and before….

What an interesting monkey mind I have today.

I write about resting, and stopping, and being still.  Man, it’s hard to take my own advice today.

But I’m going to.

I’ll just sit here and see what happens because, deep down, I know that something wants to surface and that maybe I don’t want to know or feel it, or maybe I’m just telling myself that it’s gonna be crappy when in fact it will be wonderful if I’d just get out of my own way.

If I keep doing/running, it’s still gonna be there, waiting to emerge.

So I’ll sit.  And I’ll notice all the thoughts running through my head, but take none of them seriously.  Maybe I’ll even take a nap.

Have I mentioned that being in Square One is okay, even if that’s really tough to believe sometimes?

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