Christina Brandt

Originally written for my newsletter readers in November ’08, I felt this piece was still relevant today.  Enjoy!

EVERYONE is talking about the economy.  You can’t turn on the TV, the radio, or open a publication without seeing a story about how everything’s gone to hell, we’re all doomed, and the fact that this period is as bad as the Great Depression.  The people I speak with about this issue generally fall into one of two camps:

The Gloomy:  A friend called the other day and said (with no “hello,” mind you) “do you believe what’s happening on Wall Street?”  The remainder of our call involved his dire predictions for, the loss of real estate value, the demise of his bank and mortgage lender, the gutting of his portfolio, and basically the end of the world as we know it.  I deflected, dodged, and kept steering the conversation away from all the gloom and doom.  I believe he was disappointed when I wouldn’t join the Pity Party, so the call was (mercifully) short.

Others aren’t quite as bad as Gloomy Gus, but they’re fretting.  They fear for the loss of a job, or for their retirement funds, or for how they’re going to make the mortgage payments if a job goes away.

The Philosophical:  These folks have basically decided that there’s not much they can do but wait it out.  They take a passive approach, thinking along the lines of another friend of mine who says “When in doubt, do nothing.”

I am most definitely not Gloomy.  I’m a lot more like the Philosophical group, but with a twist:  I believe that the actions below will help guide us through this difficult period:

Be Honest – Where in your life have you been dishonest with yourself about what you need, what you spend, and how you entertain yourself?  What stories do you tell yourself about why you spend what you spend?

Be Smart – Know where your money is going.  Do you have a budget?  Do you know what your monthly expenses are?  What options do you have in order to keep yourself afloat?  Do something to ensure that you are on top of your finances.

Be Brave – Even if you’ve lost your job, your life savings, and your home, you have a choice about how you perceive the situation. I certainly don’t mean to make light of those awful situations, but who among us has not had awful periods in their lives and come out on the other side?  We are survivors, and this, too, shall pass.

Be Kind – If you’ve got a computer and are reading this newsletter, you’ve got more than many people in this world.  This type of economy is when those less fortunate feel it the most.  Charitable contributions go down.  Be the person who goes against the flow and continues to give what they can to help brighten someone else’s life.

Be Aware – While it’s a good idea to be informed about the goings-on in the world, are you glued to CNN 24/7?  Take a break from the TV and instead be aware on a different level.  Notice the abundance of blessings in your life.  Show gratitude for the many things that are right about this time.

Be an Activist – Speak up for what you believe in.  Vote.  Tell your representatives in Congress what matters to you.  It’s not time to sit back and assume they know.

Be a Student – If everything life hands us is a lesson, what can you learn from this economic turbulence?

Be Hopeful – As a friend of mine once said “we survive absolutely everything that life hands us except one thing, and that’s on the day we die.”  Since we are certain that we will die, and are totally uncertain as to the timing of that death, it is up to us to choose how we will live this life.

During this lifetime, I strive to be honest, smart, brave, kind, aware, active, studious and hopeful.  I hope you do, too

I’m on a Rumi kick lately, and I’ve been forwarding this poem to my friends and clients who are doubting that they have anything special to offer.

Way of Knowledge

What God in His mercy has taught the bees He has not graced the lion or wild ass;
The bee knows how to make a house of liquid sugar.
It is God who opened to him this Way of Knowledge.
What God in His mercy has taught the silkworm
The elephant himself cannot understand or repeat.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

What have you been graced with?  What do you know that no one else knows?

Dan Pink’s new book, “Drive,” is a must-read.  Learn why money isn’t a motivator for very long, and about what really motivates us at work.  If you’re short on time, watch this cool video.

She was there again.  The Lady Who Pushes All My Buttons was at the Y.

The Situation Picture this, if you will:

• Crowded locker room with limited space
• Several towels scattered on the floor
• Rolling carry-on duffle bag, upended, with shoes, makeup and exercise clothing strewn on the floor and bench
• Three outfits in dry cleaner bags, hung on various lockers
• Woman in soup-can sized rollers, applying makeup, while asking three fellow gym-goers “Does this dress make my boobs look too big?  You know, in this town people think you’re a slut if you show too much cleavage.”

My Attitude (a.k.a. “thoughts”)

• Judgy (she’s hogging too much space, she’s selfish…)
• Angry (she should know better, be more considerate…)
• Unkind (she’s an idiot, her outfits are trashy…)

How was that workin’ for me? Not well at all.  During my swim I was distracted by all my negative thoughts and kept swallowing water when I’d come up for air.

Time for an Attitude Adjustment Was she really supposed to take up less room? Nope. How do I know that?  Because she took up the room she took.  Should she have been anything other than exactly who she was, doing what she was doing in that moment?  Nope.  And how do I know that?  Because that’s what was happening.

Byron Katie says “When you argue with reality, you lose.  But only 100% of the time.”  The Lady was going about her day, and I was busy believing she should be something other than exactly who she was.  Whose moment was ruined?  Certainly not hers.

When I came back from my shower and swim, she was drying her hair, and then polishing her nails.  Another judgy thought (“She’s taking way too long to get out of here.”) surfaced.

I laughed out loud.  Why? Because she’d given me a wonderful example of how my attitude (and thoughts) were totally in my control.  I could decide to remain a judgy, angry and unkind person or I could make a different choice.  So I did.  I decided that she was just like all the rest of us, making our way through the world and wanting to look her best when she did so.  She got a warm smile from me and I got a story to tell all of you.

Eckhart Tolle’s right. In “A New Earth,” he says “Life will give you whatever experience is the most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.”  Who knew that my daily dose o’ consciousness-raising was going to happen in the locker room of the local Y!

Are you in need of an attitude adjustment? Funny thing, but when I became more considerate of The Lady instead of assuming she should be more considerate of me, I felt better.  Notice your thoughts about others, and turn them onto yourself.  See if there isn’t a glimmer of truth when you substitute “I should” for the original “s/he should.” You just might feel better for it, too.

As you can see above, my company’s tagline is “Making ‘What’s Next?’ What Matters.” Imagine my surprise earlier today when I posted a link to my site on Facebook and the site description said “Making ‘What’s Next?’ What Happens.”

Huh?

Turns out, the programmer who’s done a great job reconfiguring and updating my site had the word “happens” stuck in her head while she was creating the metatags for this site.   She quickly corrected the problem and all should be well by tomorrow morning, after some time passes and the site “propagates” (whatever that means).

Two of my Facebook friends commented on the tagline snafu, and both made me laugh because their comments so wonderfully align with my work:

“I thought you were throwing caution to the wind and changing your tag line ‘Meh! What Does it Matter? It Happens‘,” said Dale.    While I don’t go around saying “meh” (does anyone, any more?), I do ask my clients to look at how seriously they’re taking things.  Sometimes, stuff just happens and we give it far more importance than necessary.  In other words, lightening up is a good thing.

Carrie’s reaction to the word swap was “Hey, stuff HAPPENS. It’s what you do with it that MATTERS.”  She’s right, too.  We screw up and so do others.  What we learn from our experience, how we use it to propel us forward, and the way we think about the stuff that happens will either bring us good stuff or bad stuff.

I’m choosing good stuff.  How ’bout you?

My friend and fellow coach, Susan Baghdadi, and I are planning a “Re-treat” in Spain, which promises to be a transformative experience.  When we first discussed creating an adventure re-treat (as Susan calls it), I had something less physical in mind than walking 100 km.  I came up with a lot of excuses for why it was a bad idea:

• My knees are arthritic and I won’t make it.
• I won’t be able to keep up with the group.
• This is going to be too complicated (logistically).
• Who’d sign up for a retreat in Europe when I live in the U.S. and Susan lives in Dubai, anyway?

So, of course, we’re hosting a retreat in Europe. The logistics have been amazingly easy, 11 people have already expressed interest, and I’ve started walking daily to get in shape.  My knees are achy and my back’s a bit sore but so far, so good.  On this morning’s walk, longer and steeper than yesterday’s, I thought about how I’d come to find myself huffing and puffing away on hilly Christoper Lane.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #1 – About three years ago, I told a friend that I’m meant to run adventure retreats around the world.  I didn’t know how I’d do it, but I’ve always pictured a group of people with me as we explore new places and discover ourselves in the process.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #2 – A year ago, I mentioned to Susan and our friends that I’ve always known I’m meant to do some kind of walking pilgrimage.  My bookshelves are filled with books about people’s walks through the world.  Our South African friend, Boyd, said “Chris, what about the Camino?”  I filed that suggestion away.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #3 - Back in March, I was telling Susan  I wanted to find a good experiential workshop.  She’d just taken a class with Dr. David Berceli and was hooked on TRE work.  As she described the Tension Releasing Exercises process, I checked out the website.  Turned out (Coincidence? I think not!) David was running a workshop 8 miles from my home the next weekend.  I attended and got hooked, too.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #4 – Two weeks ago, I helped my cousin pack up her house for her move to North Carolina.  She kept giving me odds and ends she thought I could use, including a $10 gift card to Eastern Mountain Sports.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #5 – Last week, I went to EMS to check out walking poles.  (I figure I can use all the help I can get to support my knees.)  And, of course, they were on sale at 30% off.  With the aforementioned gift card, I spent half of what it would normally have cost.  The poles now stand next to my desk, reminding me to continue moving forward and waiting to be used on the Camino de Santiago in Spain this September.

So what’s the point of this story?- Sometimes, despite the fact that we have no idea how, with whom, or when our dreams will happen, unseen forces conspire to help pull things together.  The next time you’re feeling defeated, thinking you’ll never figure out how to make what’s next what matters in your life, just remember that there are very likely unknown blessings and messages on their way to you, too.

And if you happen to see me walking along Christopher Lane, do me a favor and give me a ride to the top of the hill!

It’s time for the Joy Dieters book group to work on Chapter Five of The Joy Diet, by Martha Beck.. This week’s topic is RISK. Martha writes:

“Experience has taught me that the way to a joyful life is always fraught with fear, that to find it you must follow your heart’s desires right through the inevitable terrors that arise to hold you back.  If you don’t do this, your life will be shaped by fear, rather than love, and I guarantee, the shape will be narrow and tiny compared with your best destiny.“

Before I left my last corporate job three and a half years ago, I was afraid that I might not make enough money at coaching and would have to try something else.  Guess what?  I still worry about that.  But it’s three and a half years later, and I’m still a coach with her own business.

Fear’s definitely a companion in my everyday life, but I recognize it for what it is – a motivator, and just a feeling.  I don’t think I’ll die from feeling fear.    Had I stayed in my corporate job, my life would have been a lot less interesting and I would have missed out on a lot of growth.

As one of Martha’s clients says, “How could I possibly lose as much by trying as I did by refusing to try?  What’s safe about not being who you were meant to be?“  Yup, I can totally relate!

What aren’t you trying?

It’s time for the Joy Dieters book group to work on Chapter Four of The Joy Diet, by Martha Beck.. This week’s topic is CREATIVITY. Martha writes:

“Even if you never go near the arts, you are creating away like mad every single day, working in the medium of experience itself.  Actions, objects, words, gestures – literally anything you influence by your choices becomes part of your creation.  Every time you voice your thoughts to a loved one, or cook a meal, or choose a new bar of soap for the dish by your bathtub, you are creating a modification in space or time that would never have existed without you.  Whether consciously or unconsciously, you have more power to create your own life than anyone or anything else.”

What are you creating for yourself today?

It’s time for the Joy Dieters book group to work on Chapter Three of The Joy Diet, by Martha Beck.. This week’s topic is DESIRE.

Funny thing, Desire. It’s not always about lust and sex, not that those things aren’t fabulous. In the context of a joyful life, though, we’re talking about yearning.  Not just wanting, but yearning.

I want a beach house.  What I yearn for is to feel air on my face, to smell the iodine-y/salty smell of the ocean air, and to feel sand between my toes.  Do I need to have a beach house to experience what I yearn for?  Nope.

This may seem like an overly simplistic example, but the point I’m trying to make is that when we start looking for our right lives and careers, we often have a hard time articulating what will really, truly bring us joy.  On the surface, the things we want appear to be what will make us happy.  When we dig deeper, however, and ask the “and then what?” question, sometimes we’re surprised by the responses.

In my beach house example, the “and then what” exploration might lead me to realize “and then I’d have two mortgages,” or “and then I’d have to drive every weekend in traffic,” or it might lead to “and then I’d sit on the beach and read.”  Hell, I can sit on the beach and read without owning a house and having a mortgage.  Maybe I don’t need the house – just the fresh air experience, which I can get in a variety of other ways:

1. rent a house
2. go to a hotel on the beach
3. while sitting on my sofa, imagine the air’s smell, the feel of the breeze, etc.

My point is this:  knowing the difference between a want and a desire can make a world of difference in the choices we make, and the steps we take.  If I’d actually bought the beach house, I might have come to resent the “shackled” feeling of the financial burden, commute, etc.  But, when I fulfill my yearning (air, breeze, etc.) I feel free.

Once you feel the sense of freedom of having defined the yearning, you can set the intention of achieving it.  If doubt creeps in, remind yourself that you’re very likely to achieve this desire in a roundabout way, when you’re not even paying attention.  Just focus on the intention of achieving what you’re after, and let the magic happen.  It always does.   (And if it doesn’t, go back to the Desire Question:  What Do I Yearn For?)