I’ve been thinking about the term “frenemy” lately. Urban Dictionary defines this as “an enemy disguised as a friend.” I’ll bet that you can think of at least one person in your world who fits this profile. Maybe you’ve cast them out, deciding that their two-faced, evil selves have no place in your circle, and aren’t worthy to receive your attention.
But what if that’s a knee-jerk reaction? I’ve quit jobs because of bosses from hell, ended relationships because I felt used and abused, and plotted revenge (in my mind) against co-workers who sabotaged my every move. And, for a long time, the bitter aftertaste of those situations ate away at me.
What if you could shift your thinking about these people? What if enemies are just “ancient friends in disguise,” as Mike Dooley (of tut.com fame) calls them? It’s a shift in thinking from the Urban Dictionary prose, so let’s dig a little further. “Ancient” friends could be those who’ve shared other lifetimes with you. Yeah, that’s incredibly woo-woo and presumes you’re cool with the idea that we live more than one lifetime. But, do we know that’s not the case?
What if souls circle back around, coming into our lives with a purpose, a reason to help and guide us? How could that annoying neighbor (whether at home or in the office next door) be helping you?Could the constant mooching of a certain someone actually be useful to you in some way? What is your boss from hell teaching you?
Try this: Make a list of people you dislike but haven’t managed to get away from yet, add the people you no longer speak to because you’ve had a falling out, and then add every person who’s wronged you in some way. Go ahead. Seriously. Don’t be judgy about how long the list is or who’s on it, or how minor their “offenses” might be. Name names. Go all out on this part.
Then, do this: Figure out how each and every one of those “enemies” was a friend in disguise. Uh huh. I mean it. They taught you stuff, they helped you, and it’d be a damned shame if your pride, ego, stubbornness, denial or fear got in the way of your finding the gifts they gave you. If it gets thorny as you try to sort this stuff out, call a friend. Call me. Just keep working your way through that list because a more peaceful, honest life is waiting for you if you stick with it.
The ancients, your friends, and you will be ever so grateful.
