Recently I had a setback. Not a big one in terms of my overall life, but a setback all the same. I lost my voice. I tried to talk, and only rasps and scratches came out. Accompanying the voice loss was a total lack of energy. I spent the better part of five days in bed or on the sofa. When I finally went to the doctor, it turned out I have severely infected tonsils. Once I’m through the course of antibiotics, my voice and energy should come back and I’ll be fine.
As I’m wont to do these days, I looked for the lesson. Typically, when I get sick it’s because my body’s telling me to slow down. I’m rushing around too much, or I’m not paying attention. Okay, so I slowed down for five days, and I was still squeaking. Why wasn’t my voice coming back? When I dug a little deeper, I realized it was because I got lazy.
About using my voice, that is. I wasn’t speaking up for what I wanted. I wasn’t speaking up for my business. I was starting to get caught up in a story (a.k.a. “lie”) about what would happen if I tried new things or said what was really on my mind, so I began quietly retreating out of fear, or just to keep the peace.
So…I got a reminder. I could almost picture a movie-like scene, in which I’m sitting huddled in a dark corner and there’s this God-like voice, bellowing above as thunder roars and lightning flashes: “You weren’t using it, so I took it away. Get clear about what losing your voice really means. Do you still want to stay quiet or do you wanna belt out those notes you’ve been scared to sing? Get busy, girl, or I’ll take it away again.”
Okay, already. I got it, and I got busy (in between naps). Here’s what I did to get clear on what I wanted to say:
Shut Up and Listened: Enough said! 
The Terms and Conditions Exercise: Many of my clients will speak of times that they’ve felt overwhelmed, overpowered, or simply unheard by friends, clients, loved ones, bosses, etc. It’s as if they’ve gotten lost in the sauce, and don’t know how to get their own voices back. To gain clarity, the following exercise works really well:
Complete this sentence for each role in your life: “These are the terms under which I will be your _____________.” (think: friend, employee, significant other/spouse, patient, client, parent, sibling, child, customer, etc.) Think about the way you expect to be treated (notice that I didn’t say “want”), what you want out of being in a relationship with them, and so on.
The language may seem a bit intense, but once we’re clear about our “road rules” for each relationship, we’re better able to articulate our needs, recognize if/when they’re not being met, and make a decision about how to correct problems. When I began this process, those “aha” light bulbs went off all over the place. I recognized where I’d been unclear, and “voiceless.”
Made Lists: I don’t know about you, but I’m a sucker for lists. So I made a bunch…workshops and speech topics, partnership opportunities, opportunities for personal and professional growth, and steps to move my life and business forward.
So when that voice is back, watch out everyone, ‘cause it’s gonna be big and powerful!
