I’m sure all of us have experienced those moments when life is flying by us so quickly and the emails, errands, meetings and other stimuli transport us way too quickly through our days.  After returning from our recent retreat, I’m finding “re-entry” into the routine of my “normal” life a bit difficult, waiting for my soul to catch up to the usual pace of my days.

One of the many lessons I learned out on the Camino was to slow down and just notice the four elements:  Fire, Air, Earth and Water.  To notice the sounds, smell the smells, etc.  It did me a world of good.

To be honest, I’m not that excited about catching up to the old pace I set for myself.   I think it’s time to set up new ground rules for my day, creating some sacred time for just being in nature.  Our friend Michael Trotta teaches the practice of “sit spot,” marking each day by sitting outdoors for a few silent moments, just being present.  Sounds like a fine way to ensure that our souls never have to play catchup again.  I’m in…how ’bout you?

He's got the right idea

If you can relate, then you’re starting to get why some of your dreams haven’t come true. Yes, it sounds odd, but I respectfully request that you suspend your disbelief for just a few paragraphs and hang in there with me.

When you push too hard and ignore the signs that you’re doing so, you’re riding up the (ahem) butt of the very thing you want so much, and are likely to meet some resistance. Here are the signs that you’re a “dream tailgater”:

Your body speaks to you. Sometimes I walk too far, or stand for hours, or take on too many physical tasks in a short period of time.  When that happens, my knees “speak” to me by forcing me to stop and lie down.  While I want to keep going, my body’s got other ideas.  What signals is your body giving you?

Animals speak to you. While teaching an Arabian horse ground manners, I was applying pressure on his nose (not directly).  After a few minutes of this, he decided that I’d gotten too far up into his space and he took that beautiful nose and gave me a shove in the stomach.  He didn’t hurt me, but gave me a clear signal that I was pushing him too hard, and too fast. (He also wanted a break from “class” and wanted to play!)  How do the animals in your life show you you’re pushing too hard?

The people around you give you feedback. The political climate in Kenya coupled with a rainy season causing impassable roads has caused the postponement of a trip until June.  I love an adventure, especially if it involves Africa, so I’m getting antsy for details.  After emailing the trip’s organizer once too often, I got this reply:  “What would you have to be responsible for if you dropped this tension?”  A brilliant question, and a clear message to back off.  My relentless need for info was alienating the organizer – not exactly helping me realize a lifelong dream of combining coaching and travel, and getting paid for it.  Who’s been sending you subtle, or not so subtle, messages to back off?

So now you see it.  You’re “dream tailgating.”  Why? By focusing on the minutiae of the Kenya trip, I was trying to ignore the fact that I’m nervous about the role I’ve been asked to play in a very important effort.  By pushing my body hard to get in shape, I’m ignoring the fact that maybe it’s not meant to go that far this time.  By pushing that horse faster than he wanted to go, I stopped noticing how much I wanted to achieve “success” in our lesson. What part of your dream feels scary?  How are you projecting that fear into the world around you?

How do you back off? First, take Dan Howard’s advice and do some intentional resting.  Take a breath and say, in your mind or out loud, “I’m going to rest into my need for everything to work out quickly,” or “I’m resting into my anxiety.”  Doing this creates a pause, sort of a “comma,” in your relentlessness.

Then, ask yourself: “What would I have to be responsible for if I dropped this tension? In other words, look for the real issue behind the urgency.  Find the emotion so you can clean up the thoughts behind it.  Result:  peace, which is far more attractive (in every sense of the word) than fear.

If you’re marketing like crazy to find new clients and they’re not showing up, working to find the perfect new career and don’t have a clue what it is, soldiering on with your novel but the paragraphs won’t emerge, interviewing for jobs but not getting hired…back off!  Set clear intentions for what you want, do your part, then take a deep breath and trust that the rest will happen.

The New Moon

Love, the new moon, grows slowly, stage by stage;

We should progress like that, deliberately, with patience.

I hear the new moon whispering, “Impatient fool!”

It is only step by step you climb to the roof.

Be a seasoned cook, let the pot boil little by little;

A stew cooked in mad haste tastes terrible.

I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, that Rumi dude sure knows what he’s talkin’ about!”  How often are we so eager for results that we don’t stop to savor the journey?  When does impatience creep into your life, creating annoyance with the step by step approach of making what’s next in your life, what matters?

Where in your life are you cooking a terrible, hasty stew?

In one of my unproductive moments, Martha Beck’s blog post, Yellow is Gold, popped into my inbox.  I read it, thinking that every item on her bulleted list applied to me.  So, I curled up on the sofa and read a book.   And of course, I found several things in the book that inspired me, giving me some great ideas for workshops and future blog posts.

Since Martha said it best, I’ll just add this:  Ditto.

The idea, she explained, was to sandwich each meal with a prayer.  Taking a moment before and after a meal to give thanks, to notice whatever comes to mind in the moment, etc. helps us eat more mindfully.

That got me thinking about the “sandwich” concept and its applicability in other areas of my life.  What if I exercised more mindfully, setting intentions for how I’d like to feel or what I’d like to accomplish during and after my workout?  Or, what about setting intentions such as these:

• networking – I’d like to meet this type of person and I can help in this way
• starting a new class – I will stay present and conquer the fear of looking dumb
• going on a date – I will be myself, be curious about my date, and go with the flow
• having a difficult conversation – I will be transparent, authentic and open
• going on an interview – I am clear about what I have to offer this company
• creating something new in your life – I’m excited and happy to learn from this new experience I’m creating

Before each coaching session, I take a moment or two to settle in, get quiet, and imagine that I’m there to help my client achieve their greatest and highest good.  Being grounded and centered allows me to do my best work.

I think I’ll work on “sandwiching” other moments in my life.  How about you?

Last month, I decided it was time to slow down and just take things as they come, using the blank space in my calendar to recharge, etc. You know that saying about the best laid plans? I’m here to tell you that, once again, I’m living proof that when you stop worrying and just allow things to unfold, life is even better than any plan you could have dreamed up. Here’s what happened:

• I had more client sessions than the previous month.
• I started working with two new corporate clients on long-term    engagements.
• I read books I’d been meaning to get to.
• I got the opportunity to be certified in a new 360 degree feedback instrument.
• I swam four days a week.
• I caught up with friends I haven’t seen in a while.
• I worked with a designer to revamp my web site and added a blog.
• I got an opportunity to go back to Londolozi, the game preserve in South Africa that I visited last year, with Martha Beck.

It wasn’t long before the empty August calendar was filled with business and personal opportunities. I’m convinced that when I stopped pushing so hard to know the outcome, plans unfolded exactly as they were meant to.

As a coach, I spend a lot of time talking to people about goals. While it’s important to have plans and goals, I think it’s even more important to be ready to abandon them in the face of what’s presenting itself in any given moment. What I’ve seen over and over again, both in my own life and the lives of my clients, is that trusting yourself to become comfortable with the abandonment of a plan is critical to creating a life you love.

If you’re frustrated by the lack of progress toward your goals, ask yourself the following:

• Where are you trying too hard to make something work?
• What do you think will happen if you change your mind or abandon a plan?
• What’s got you worried? Are you sure that the dismal fate you’re imagining is really going to happen? Really?
• What thoughts do you have around “should” or “can’t” or “shouldn’t”? Chances are, if those words are creeping into your thinking, you’re telling yourself a story that’s simply not true.
• How good would it feel to just stop being in control for even a little while?

I’ve found myself using this metaphor quite often: “I can only see as far as the headlights shine on the road ahead of me at night, but as long as I keep my foot gently on the gas pedal, I always have enough information to get me where I’m meant to go.”

Try it. And let me know about the magical events that transpire in your life after you do!

“You only ever have to do what you’re capable of doing, Christina, because by design, no matter how things appear, you’ll always have enough time to do it, you’ll do even better than you would have thought, and life will get even richer than you could ever have imagined.

Chic-a-boom,
The Universe”
TUT* sends me inspirational messages that are funny, kind, loving and generous – sort of like the universe.  This particular message struck a chord in me because I’ve been feeling tired, sluggish, overloaded and just plain out of ideas.  Being a solo-preneur, this phenomenon leads me to worry about money.  And of course, worrying about money never brings more money.  It just brings negativity and fear.

So, this note shows up in my inbox, and I laugh.  Why?  Because my life to date has been a total confirmation of this message; the important things get done when they’re supposed to (even if not on the date written on my to do list), I most always do even better than I thought, and my life has most definitely been far richer than I ever imagined.

This message inspired me to lean into the feelings.  If I feel tired and sluggish, I’ll rest.  If I feel out of ideas, I’ll stop trying to create for a little while.  If I feel overloaded, I’ll say “no” more often.

And, I’ll get back on the Exquisite Self Care plan.  Exercise, clean foods, time with great friends who inspire me and make me laugh, and lots of good books.  And maybe I’ll clean out a closet.  Or maybe not.  (Very likely not!)

It’s all so simple, and yet as a client said to me recently “we all make it so much more complicated than it has to be.”  What I know for sure is that I’ll let August unfold slowly, with nothing but the intention to take it easy on myself.  Because when I do, I’m usually surprised by how much good comes into my life.

I hope you have a great August, too.

*(To check out TUT, click here.)