“No tree has branches so foolish as to fight among themselves.”

Imagine if…

• we each thought of ourselves as a branch on the tree of life?  How would we act if we remembered that we are an interconnected system, dependent upon each other in order to thrive?  What would change if we lived our lives remembering this?

• we each remembered that what others think of us is none of our business, but what we think of ourselves IS.  I believe it matters a great deal to the world that we treat ourselves with grace and respect.  Once we do that, it’s far easier to apply the Golden Rule, don’t you think?

• we realized that, as we find our right lives and careers, everything we think, say and do has the ability to create our world as we go.  What kind of world do you want to live in?  What are you doing to create it?

• we stopped fighting amongst ourselves.  And amongst our “selves,” the different versions of the self we project to the world.  When was the last time we cut ourselves, or someone else, some slack? What if we took the “tree” metaphor to heart and learned not to be so impatient with the part of us that’s mean, uninformed, lazy, scared, insecure, or jealous and treated those “selves” with patience, respect and grace?
  

Imagine that.

If you’re not in love with yourself, others won’t be, either.
I’m not talking about obnoxious, conceited, “I’m the best damned thing that’s happened to this planet” stuff. Ego doesn’t help here. I’m talkin’ about BEING love.

Yes, you heard me. BE love.
First, treat yourself well. You can take bubble baths and long walks in the woods, if that’s your thing. But I’m talking about self-respect. About honoring your Self. About being clear about what you need and want, and about what feels good and what doesn’t. Knowing for sure, just in this moment, what feels right to your body, heart and soul.

Then, be love. In every situation, think about how you can create it – how you can show it, not seek it. What it would feel like to do the most love-filled and compassionate thing in that moment.

Why does this matter?
Whether you’re looking for a new job or a mate, starting a business or trying to figure out what’s next in your life, a sure-fire way to move the process along is to listen to your heart. That thumping organ inside your chest is a sophisticated instrument with more “pull” than we previously knew. Turns out that the heart sends more info to the brain than the brain does to the heart.

I could get all scientific on you here, but I’d make an idiot of myself. Neurocardiology is a pretty cool field and the folks at Heart Math are doing lots of research about heart coherence. Check them out if you need data to support what I’m saying, and I’ll stick to talking about what my gut knows: when we move through the world as loving beings, when we’re clear and honest and filled with love and appreciation in our hearts, we’re awfully compelling. When we’re fearful and negative, worried or combative, we’re not.

Pretty simple. You decide.
Here’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it: Love always wins.

I asked a lot of questions, and I stirred up some stuff.
In my Peaceful Finances teleclass, I asked particpants to tell me about their money philosophy. Their answers ranged from “I love money and money loves me” to “There’s never enough.” Not surprising. What was surprising for participants, though, was the fact that every one of them admitted they’d never thought about how they’d learned about money. When they thought about the responses to the questions below, a lot of light bulbs went off.

What money messages did you receive?
What did your mom tell you about money? How did your dad feel about money? Can you recall your first memory of money? What do you believe about people who have money? What did money cause to happen (or not happen) in your family?

What do you believe about money now?
I work with clients across the financial spectrum – what we’d call “rich,” and what we’d call “poor” – and the beliefs they’ve got about money might surprise you. Wealthy or not, most of my clients’ relationship with money is one of fear. I think they’re a good representation of what’s going on in the minds of most Americans. Our advertising culture often encourages fear (of not measuring up, of not fitting in, etc.) in order to create consumption.

If we view things through a “lens” of scarcity, everything we think, say or do is about overcoming a sense of lack.
Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money, talks about the “myths of scarcity,” and asks us to notice how often our language reflects lack – “I didn’t get enough sleep,” “there aren’t enough hours in the day,” etc. If you’re focused on lack, you’re likely to experience more of it, drawing it toward yourself in a myriad of ways.

How’s that workin’ for you? Not so much? Then create the habit of respecting money.
You may think you respect money now, but if you’re feeling anything other than peaceful about it, there’s more work to be done. In her book, Overcoming Underearning ™, Barbara Stanny suggests these actions:

• observe your attitudes, beliefs, thoughts and feelings and choices about money
• determine what you need to let go of
• to educate yourself, read something about money
• be direct and ask for what you want
• spend less than you earn
• write down your intentions about money
• set up a debt repayment plan
• get clarity by writing down everything you spend
• write about money in your journal
• find a financial advisor
• get an accountability buddy and be honest with them about your spending and saving
• act as if you’re worth it (deserving of money)
• think bigger
• assemble a support community
• stop using credit cards and pay for everything with cash for one week, one month, or one year

There are probably loads more that we could come up with, but I think you get the idea. Like any desired positive change, the first step toward peaceful finances is awareness, then honesty about your current situation, followed by small steps taken regularly to create new habits.

If you’d like to join in the conversation about peaceful finances, hop onto the Peace by Design Facebook page and click on Discussions. I’d love to hear from you!

Last night, during the Peaceful Finances teleclass, I was telling the group about one of Lynne Twist’s Toxic Myths of Scarcity:  More is better.  If we believe this myth, we run around accumulating more than we’ll ever need – more shoes, bags, paper, books, money, etc.  We’re driven by consumption and greed, not stopping to enjoy what we already have.

And then we’re complaining about the clutter in our lives, unable to find peace.  When we remove the stuff, or better yet, stop bringing in anything we don’t absolutely need, we feel better.

It’s sometimes hard, though, to trust that there will be enough.  That little bit of rice will really make enough to feed me?  That pasta’s going to fill my belly?  Not working in a corporate environment with a steady paycheck and benefits is still going to allow me to have a good life?

If you’re afraid to change from the “more is better” mindset, start slowly.  Instead of half a box of pasta, toss in a third.  You’ll still have leftovers, but less than you did before.   Then, think of another area in which you could do with just a little less and see how it feels.

For me, beginning to trust that there will always be enough has been an ongoing journey.  I’m willing to keep “less-ifying” because it feels freer than being overstuffed – with food, with things, and with weight. “Less is more” feels a lot more peaceful to me than “More is better,” so I’m gonna keep going.

Maybe someday soon there won’t be any leftovers when I cook pasta.

That’s how I stumbled upon a ruler I’ve had since the third grade.  Yup, that upside-down peace sign you see here was written by yours truly at age 7, along with the following: “NO using for anyone but me!!!!!!”  I was a bossy little kid who apparently didn’t want to share.  Thankfully, I’m (mostly) a lot less bossy now, but I kept the ruler to remind myself not to go there.

I’m still obsessed with the peace sign, though I haven’t give much thought to why.  Back then, I cut one out of felt and sewed it, by hand, onto my fringed felt drawsting handbag.  (It went really well with the striped bell bottoms and fringed vest.)  But I sewed it on upside down, so the inside of the circle looked like a “Y.”  I’ve tossed old notebooks and photos, and that upside-down peace sign appears in a lot of places.  What the heck?  Why didn’t anyone tell me I was doing it wrong?  I was telling my friend, Tex Ann, about this and she said

She’s onto something!  I’m certainly not the first person to believe that world peace begins within each of us, but you don’t often hear coaches refer to themselves as peacemakers.  Yet giving people the tools to create peace in their lives and careers is at the core of everything I do.

Everything – our relationships, careers, homes, spirituality, etc. – is affected by our peaceful energy, or lack thereof.  Where in your life are you feeling anything less than peace?  Use the Life Wheel tool (download it free from my home page) to see where your satisfaction could be higher.  Consider using the results to help you create some 2011 goals – think of a few small steps you can take to up the joy, and peace, in your life.

Think about it:  if everyone took a few steps to create more peace in their own world, we’d collectively create a hell of a leap for mankind.  And, it’d make “world peace” more than a casually-stated throwaway line used in comedies about beauty pageants.

As for me, I’m making it my Word of The Year (unless, of course, I come up with two or three, as I did in 2010).  I’m setting the intention that I will ask myself “How does this bring me or others peace?” in every situation.  If there’s no peace to be found there, I will set it aside, and I will help my clients do the same.   I wish you a peace-full 2011.

Leadership 101 - I’ve been waiting for others to help me feel less overwhelmed by all the items on my to do list.  Funny thing, though -  I haven’t asked anyone for help!  Instead of waiting for someone to offer it, ask for it.  Asking doesn’t make you stupid, incompetent or vulnerable; it makes you a leader who takes charge of her life.  “Duh” Moment #1:  If you’re not clear about what you want, you’re not going to get it.

Phoning it In – One of the reasons this newsletter’s so late is because I didn’t set aside any time to write it.  My schedule was crammed with too many items because I was unrealistic about how much I can get done in a day. I often “phoned it in,” forcing myself to write when I wasn’t inspired, rather than owning up to the fact that I was tired and needed a break.  Sound familiar? Duh Moment #2:  A rested brain is a creative brain.

Jerry Seinfeld’s Sage Advice – At the Live Your Best Life Weekend in NYC, Oprah told us she was complaining to Jerry Seinfeld about how tired she was because her life was controlling her.  (Coincidence that I remember this?  I think not!)  Jerry’s response was (and I paraphrase) “I don’t get it.  It’s yours to control.”  Duh Moment #3:  I am in control of my own life.

“My Name is Chris, and I’m an Overscheduler” – Since the first step to real change is admitting you’ve got a problem, I’ve said it.  I’m now committed to not over-commit. I will hereby create a schedule that allows room for creative response to what’s at hand, and to replenish my energy. “Duh” Moment #4:  If you don’t ensure that your activities align with the vision for your Right Life, no one will.

Let There Be Peace on Earth, and Let it Begin With Me – I was  reminded of how profound these lyrics are when I saw Desmond Tutu tell Craig Ferguson “We wouldn’t know what it was to be human without other humans…Our humanity is dependent on the existence of other humans.”  And so, my friends, is our peace.  When I’m tired and grouchy, expecting help without asking, and focusing on all the wrong things, there is no peace in my world and there’s no peace to share with others. “Duh” Moment #5:  If I’m not at peace, others suffer.  If we’re all not at peace, the world suffers.

If you’re not sure how to begin the next chapter of your life and career, look for the places where you’re not at peace.  Don’t know what those areas are?  Click here for a worksheet to help you get started. (and if the link doesn’t work, email me!)

Suffering is a treasure, for it conceals mercies;
The almond becomes fresh when you peel off the rind.
O my brother, staying in a cold dark place
And bearing patiently the grief, weakness, and pain
Is the Source of Life and the cup of Abandon!
The heights are found only in the depths of abasement;
Spring is hidden in autumn, and autumn pregnant with spring.
Flee neither; be the friend of Grief, accept desolation,
Hunt for the life that springs from the death of yourself.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

A wise therapist once said to me “Suffing is optional.”  Even when it seems as though it’s not, we’ve always got a choice in how to feel about it.   It’s sad to lose someone you love, for example.  Grieving the loss is important and necessary.  Leaning into the grief, rather than fighting it, allows you to eventually be at peace.

When you tell stories about the loss, however, you may be creating unnecessary suffering.  “I should have been there when he or she died,” or “I didn’t do enough for them,” or “He’ll never know how much I cared” are all examples of  “dirty” pain – pain that’s caused by our thoughts and not by the actual loss we’ve experienced.

When we fight the reality of the circumstances at hand, we cause ourselves unnecessary suffering, too.  If you hear yourself starting a sentence with any of the following phrases, be alert:

• I (or they) shouldn’t
• I (or they) should
• I can’t
• I have to

There’s usually a lie coming, fast and furious.  When we believe that we or others have to, should, can’t, or shouldn’t do something – instead of believing that we/they choose to, or choose not to, we create  a state of powerlessness.  That’s a great way to choose suffering…if you want to! 

I’m with Ashley.  How ’bout you?

During the interview, Caroline said:  “I tell my students (to) take the riskiest path you can find.  What looks like safety is an illusion.  What looks like risk is an illusion.  Carry no extraneous baggage.  Forgive everyone you can think of.  Pray daily.  Just manage your spirit with integrity and keep your honor code between you and God.  These are the things that matter in life – the management of your spirit, with honor.”

I love this excerpt because much of my work involves helping clients find their spirit again, and then creating both personal and professional lives that honor it.

Over the past year or so I’ve written a fair amount about extraneous baggage (clutter, people, thoughts, weight…) and ways to find purpose, but less about the role of forgiveness, prayer, integrity, and honor in “managing your spirit,” as Caroline puts it.  I’ll remedy that in the new year, I suspect, with blog posts, newsletter articles and events.

For now, though, I’m just going to hunker down and invest some time in myself and my own spirit.  I hope you will, too, during these final days of the year.  I wish you a peaceful holiday season.

The idea, she explained, was to sandwich each meal with a prayer.  Taking a moment before and after a meal to give thanks, to notice whatever comes to mind in the moment, etc. helps us eat more mindfully.

That got me thinking about the “sandwich” concept and its applicability in other areas of my life.  What if I exercised more mindfully, setting intentions for how I’d like to feel or what I’d like to accomplish during and after my workout?  Or, what about setting intentions such as these:

• networking – I’d like to meet this type of person and I can help in this way
• starting a new class – I will stay present and conquer the fear of looking dumb
• going on a date – I will be myself, be curious about my date, and go with the flow
• having a difficult conversation – I will be transparent, authentic and open
• going on an interview – I am clear about what I have to offer this company
• creating something new in your life – I’m excited and happy to learn from this new experience I’m creating

Before each coaching session, I take a moment or two to settle in, get quiet, and imagine that I’m there to help my client achieve their greatest and highest good.  Being grounded and centered allows me to do my best work.

I think I’ll work on “sandwiching” other moments in my life.  How about you?