• sleep on the sofa, or
• lie on the floor, or
• put my head where my feet usually go.

I tried the head/foot switch, and after a few minutes of “this is weird,” it worked beautifully.   I suspect it worked well because I wanted to believe it would, and in a way because I was telling my body I meant business.

Speaking of business, I found myself in a creative slump these last two weeks.  Unable to dream up an original idea, reluctant to sit down and write for fear of staring at a blank page, and generally ho-hum about anything to do with creativity.

I decided it was time to employ “the head/foot thing,” as I’ve come to call it, and I took myself to the library.  Comfortably ensconced in the quiet reading room, with tea and a cookie, I got more reading and writing done in the two and a half hours spent there than I had in the past two weeks.  I’m writing this post from there, too.

Is it time for you to employ the head/foot thing?  Where in your life are you feeling a bit stuck?  Sometimes, a small change – scenery, position, going from grumpy to grateful – will do the trick very nicely.

The Exclamation Points  These are the “my way or the highway” folks who fight you for the sake of being right, who know best and are unwilling to believe there’s room for anyone else’s views or insights.  For the SNL fans, it’s Dana Carvey’s Church Lady and her condescending tone when saying “Well, isn’t that special!”

I’ll take Dr. Hale’s description one step further – I believe Exclamation Points are living out loud, not always in a good way.  They’re so busy being adamant that they’ve forgotten to notice the mitigating factors, the gray areas, and the fact that things change.

The Periods  The Periods have come to a halt.  They’ve checked off a box on their list, believing they’ve gone as far as they can go, nothing more needs to be done, and they’ve grown as much as they care to, thank-you-very-much.  Their behavior isn’t that of  “acceptance,” but rather a “stop sign.”  Kind of a “been there, done that” dismissal.

The Question Marks  As the name would imply, these are the seekers.  They’re curious, open to receive new insights, and are willing to ask the tough questions that are sometimes required for growth.  They’re my kind of people, and probably yours.  While we’d all like to believe we’re always open and willing to receive the lessons our experiences bring us, it’s not usually the case (at least not for me).

How to Be A Question Mark  When you’re inclined to shut down (Period) or insist/yell (Exclamation Point), just ask a question instead:

• What it this here to teach me?
• Why am I unwilling to go there?
• What’s got me so afraid?
• Where else in my life is this happening?
• What don’t I want to know right now?

Sure, it’d be great to feel as though we’re “finished,” secure in the fact that we’ve mastered life and have got it all down pat.  But since that’s not going to happen for us any time soon, why not “lean into the mystery,” as Caroline Myss says, and see what happens.

My role is to ask them questions to uncover their passions/skills/interests/values/beliefs, teach them to spot the limiting beliefs that are keeping them stuck, teach them how to clean up those thoughts, and if asked, make suggestions about steps they can take to keep up their momentum.  (Basically, I work myself out of a job.)  For some it’s a quick process, and for others it takes a bit longer, but the process is always the same.

Here’s your role in creating a life/career you love:

1.  Ask questions. So often, we just accept what we’ve got without daring to imagine anything different.  I respectfully submit that this is ridiculous and grownups have it all wrong.  Go back to when you were a kid.  What was the question that drove most adults crazy:  “Why?“

• Why do you work in that soul-sucking job?
• Why do you keep dating the same kind of guy over and over again?
• Why does your stomach hurt every time you hang out with that friend?
• Why can’t you ask that guy on a date?
• Why can’t you go back to school?
• Why are you afraid to change?

When you examine the responses, you’ll likely uncover some deeply-held beliefs that no longer serve you.  Once you know what they are, you can start punching holes in those theories.

2.  Accept dead ends and failures as part of the experience. Moving out of a life that no longer serves you is often not linear or straightforward.  If you’ve been anesthetized for a long time, you don’t just suddenly wake up and start running in the direction of your dreams.  Experiment, knowing that you’re likely to screw up.  That’s okay; it’s all information to help you get it better next time.  Learning what doesn’t work is just as, if not more important than, learning what does.

3.  Be willing to go back to the beginning, especially in your mind. We Westerners think we’ve pretty much got to have our lives figured out by the age of 25 or so.  You know, go to school, get a job, work a bit, find a mate, find a home, have kids, and that’s that. We become experts at something or things, and we’re done.

In Eastern philosophy, there’s a concept called “I don’t know mind,”  the willingness to be a beginner again.  And again.  And again.  If we stopped trying to be such know-it-alls and allowed ourselves to be beginners who are curious and eager to learn, we might surprise ourselves with the new things we’ll master.

4.  Be persistent. Don’t give up when you hit your first “you’re overqualified” or “you’ve got no experience” or “why would you want to do this at your age?”  Reinvention isn’t for the faint of heart, but when you finally “get there,” it’s a damned good feeling.  Think of the rejections and failures as a test of how badly you want something.

5.  Accept the mystery/cosmic help. When you get serious about making changes, opportunities start to present themselves:

• A woman at a nursing home where you’re visiting your relative tells you about her brother the governor, to whom you’ve been trying to send your resume
• An article filled with critical info appears in a publication you normally don’t read but felt compelled to buy
• A “We Buy Gold” event occurs at a local hotel, where you sell your unwanted jewelry and make money to cover the cost of a few voiceover lessons
• A friend who knows lots of people with horses
• Just days before your three month sabbatical from work, during which you’re going to Paris to determine if you want to live there, a friend calls you about an apartment-sitting opportunity in, of course, Paris

When you start to put in the time, asking questions, being persistent, dusting yourself off when you stumble and fall, and getting clearer about what you’d like to have in your life, all sorts of things get put into your path to help you achieve your goals.  Those bullets above?  I didn’t make ‘em up.  Every single one happened.  Just ask my clients.

I’ve always been fascinated with horses. I’m not sure why. I’ve only ridden a horse twice, and both experiences were the typical “put the kid on a half-dead horse who slooooowly walks around in a circle” thing. I read the “Misty of Chincoteague” series of books when I was little and I dreamed of having a horse, but that’s about as far as it ever got.  Horses just weren’t in the cards for me, but there was something about them that always made me sit up and take notice.

Years later (in 2008, to be exact), I found myself in a round pen with master coach Koelle Simpson and a horse. As part of my master coach certification, I was to demonstrate leadership in a very real, very present moment with a 1,000 lb. animal. It didn’t go all that well.

Six weeks later, I found myself in Montana with Koelle and a bunch of friends, and this time the ante was upped, as I was supposed to single-handedly get 10 loose horses in a large arena to follow me. Yeah, right. (I wrote about that experience here.)

And six weeks after that, I’m helping Koelle with a workshop, acting as the “coach on the side,” helping participants deal with the many thoughts that come up when they’re faced with the experience of using their leadership skills with a horse for the first time. Then we hit Texas, and then Virginia in 2009, where we met Erika Isler, who wrote this about her experience.

What didn’t make it into the article, though, was what happened for me on the last day of that Virginia workshop. With time left over, my friend Boyd and I tried a herding exercise we’d bungled a bit in Montana a year before. There are no photos of the best parts, so I’ll just say that we summoned up our leadership mojo and had those horses dancin’! They did figure eights around barrels, twice. Not bad for a girl who, during her first experience, couldn’t summon up enough oomph to invite her horse to just take a walk. (That’s the two of us, high-fivin’ in a photo taken by our friend Kelly Eide.)

Now, with five equine workshops under my belt, I’m totally hooked on horses. I want to learn everything I can about them, and I’ve started by taking Koelle’s Equus Coach training program.  Last weekend, I was at a ranch in AZ, learning how to take a horse’s temperature (and it ain’t by placing a thermometer under his tongue!), weigh him, take his pulse, and determine his age, too.  I’m contacting stables and will soon be mucking out stalls and observing horses at play, and taking classes about things like the equine digestive tract.

Eventually, I’ll be coaching people through “join-ups” and other activities designed to help people summon and channel their leadership energy and learn the importance of non-verbal communication in a very cool way.

A dream come true. It only took about 40 years, but it’s happening. And that’s the important thing. My passion for horses wasn’t nourished for a long time but now that I’m focused, it’s the best feeling ever.  I’m not sure exactly how this will all play out but I’m having too much fun to question it or to stop.

What’s your passion? What lit you up when you were eight years old? Despite the fact that we outgrow a lot of things, it never hurts to go back and look at who we were then. Amazingly, a lot of things about us stay pretty consistent, like my love of cowboy boots and horses, and my passion for helping others.  Think about what got you excited then, and what excites you now.  Then, even if it’s scary or crazy, find a way to articulate that feeling to someone you trust.  It’s funny, the things that happen when you start to air those passions…

If it takes you 40 years to re-ignite your dream, so what!  If I can do it, so can you.

She has no memory of the Statue of Liberty because the ship arrived at night in heavy fog, but she does remember leaning on the ship’s rail, wondering what all the twinkly lights were.   The next morning, she couldn’t get over the New York skyline, the height and sheer number of the skyscrapers, and the fact that everyone in America seemed to drive a yellow car (she’d never seen taxis before).

An aunt and uncle took her in, helped her find some new clothes, and helped her find a waitressing job.  Learning English from her customers in the diner and by watching television, she slowly saved her money and built her new life.

For all the remaining years of their lives, my mother helped that aunt and uncle by buying and delivering groceries, cleaning their home when they couldn’t do it any longer, finding caretakers to look after them…whatever  was needed.  They’d given her a chance at a new start in life, and she was determined to repay that kindness in any way she could.

When I remember that story, told to me many times over the years, I think of the lessons in there for me:

• If I’m feeling sorry for myself, thinking it’s too hard, too scary, or too big a dream, I just remember Mom at 19.
• If I can find a way to give someone a leg up and help them find their way, I’m going to do it.
• If there’s a way to thank the people who came before and paved the way to make my life easier, I will do it.

Thanks, Mom.  I’m glad you dreamt big.

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My new hiking boots

Today, I passed Margaritaville. Not Jimmy Buffett’s chain of stores, but a house on Stony Brook Lane called Margaritaville.  (I want to meet those people!  But I digress…)  It’s at the bottom of a VERY steep hill I just added to my morning walk.  You see, I’m leading a retreat in Spain next month, and we’re going to be walking 67 1/2 miles in six days. I need to be able to walk about 11 miles a day, and I’m not even close. But I have hope, so I’m adding a hill or upping the distance of my daily walks every few days. If someone had told me a month ago that I’d be at the bottom of Stony Brook Lane, I’d have laughed. Hard.

Dale recently decided to pack up her home of 21 years and move south. A few days before her move, it dawned on her that she needed help if she was going to get all her belongings out of her house in time for the closing.  I planned an overnight visit and between us, we packed about 35 boxes. Before we accomplished that, though, there was a lot of fear that it couldn’t be done.

Joy was about to have a very important meeting with someone whose help could be critical in her career.  She was pretty nervous about presenting her ideas for a book, as well as her theories on leadership and corporate change.  During a previous, brief chat, he was interested, but would he remain so?

Dale and I got her packed and ready for her move, Joy got through her call with the influential person, and I’m gonna walk 67 1/2 miles in Spain in 33 days.   How?  Each of us has decided to redefine what success means to us:  One small victory at a time.

Breaking a seemingly overwhelming task into manageable and visible accomplishments works like magic. When Dale’s lower lip would quiver, threatening to turn into a meltdown, I’d jump up and clear out a large cabinet in the kitchen so she had a visible sign of progress.  While packing up the spice jars helped, seeing an empty glass-fronted dish cabinet helped more.  Every so often, we’d go for the “high visual impact” task in order to keep ourselves motivated.

Joy decided, shortly before her call with Mr. Influential, that “if I’m still breathing at the end of the call, I’ve won.”  Not only was she breathing, but good things are likely to come out of that conversation.

When I got home from today’s walk, I noticed that despite adding the hill and distance, I got home in the same amount of time my walk normally takes.  I’m walking faster and farther and my body’s getting stronger.  Day by day, hill by hill, street by street, I’m gonna get myself to Spain in the best shape I’ve been in for a long time.

Box by box, room by room, Dale’s now happily unpacking her belongings in her new home in North Carolina.  When she feels as though it’ll never end, she hangs a picture or rolls out a new carpet.  Visual victories, those quick and easily noticeable improvements, keep her motivated to tackle the boring stuff like sorting through those darned spices.

Breath by breath, Joy’s moving her book and business projects forward, and I have no doubt we’ll be seeing her book in airport bookstores soon, and reading about her ground-breaking leadership work in the business press, too.

Redefining success so that there are no failures is the key to staying motivated.  For Joy, just coming out of a scary meeting still breathing was about as big a success as she could imagine.  For Dale, it was seeing an empty cabinet in her old home and a picture on the wall in her new one.  For me, it’s literally putting one foot in front of the other.  How can YOU redefine success in your life?

EVERYONE is talking about the economy.  You can’t turn on the TV, the radio, or open a publication without seeing a story about how everything’s gone to hell, we’re all doomed, and the fact that this period is as bad as the Great Depression.  The people I speak with about this issue generally fall into one of two camps:

The Gloomy:  A friend called the other day and said (with no “hello,” mind you) “do you believe what’s happening on Wall Street?”  The remainder of our call involved his dire predictions for, the loss of real estate value, the demise of his bank and mortgage lender, the gutting of his portfolio, and basically the end of the world as we know it.  I deflected, dodged, and kept steering the conversation away from all the gloom and doom.  I believe he was disappointed when I wouldn’t join the Pity Party, so the call was (mercifully) short.

Others aren’t quite as bad as Gloomy Gus, but they’re fretting.  They fear for the loss of a job, or for their retirement funds, or for how they’re going to make the mortgage payments if a job goes away.

The Philosophical:  These folks have basically decided that there’s not much they can do but wait it out.  They take a passive approach, thinking along the lines of another friend of mine who says “When in doubt, do nothing.”

I am most definitely not Gloomy.  I’m a lot more like the Philosophical group, but with a twist:  I believe that the actions below will help guide us through this difficult period:

Be Honest – Where in your life have you been dishonest with yourself about what you need, what you spend, and how you entertain yourself?  What stories do you tell yourself about why you spend what you spend?

Be Smart – Know where your money is going.  Do you have a budget?  Do you know what your monthly expenses are?  What options do you have in order to keep yourself afloat?  Do something to ensure that you are on top of your finances.

Be Brave – Even if you’ve lost your job, your life savings, and your home, you have a choice about how you perceive the situation. I certainly don’t mean to make light of those awful situations, but who among us has not had awful periods in their lives and come out on the other side?  We are survivors, and this, too, shall pass.

Be Kind – If you’ve got a computer and are reading this newsletter, you’ve got more than many people in this world.  This type of economy is when those less fortunate feel it the most.  Charitable contributions go down.  Be the person who goes against the flow and continues to give what they can to help brighten someone else’s life.

Be Aware – While it’s a good idea to be informed about the goings-on in the world, are you glued to CNN 24/7?  Take a break from the TV and instead be aware on a different level.  Notice the abundance of blessings in your life.  Show gratitude for the many things that are right about this time.

Be an Activist – Speak up for what you believe in.  Vote.  Tell your representatives in Congress what matters to you.  It’s not time to sit back and assume they know.

Be a Student – If everything life hands us is a lesson, what can you learn from this economic turbulence?

Be Hopeful – As a friend of mine once said “we survive absolutely everything that life hands us except one thing, and that’s on the day we die.”  Since we are certain that we will die, and are totally uncertain as to the timing of that death, it is up to us to choose how we will live this life.

During this lifetime, I strive to be honest, smart, brave, kind, aware, active, studious and hopeful.  I hope you do, too

Way of Knowledge

What God in His mercy has taught the bees He has not graced the lion or wild ass;
The bee knows how to make a house of liquid sugar.
It is God who opened to him this Way of Knowledge.
What God in His mercy has taught the silkworm
The elephant himself cannot understand or repeat.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

What have you been graced with?  What do you know that no one else knows?