She has no memory of the Statue of Liberty because the ship arrived at night in heavy fog, but she does remember leaning on the ship’s rail, wondering what all the twinkly lights were.   The next morning, she couldn’t get over the New York skyline, the height and sheer number of the skyscrapers, and the fact that everyone in America seemed to drive a yellow car (she’d never seen taxis before).

An aunt and uncle took her in, helped her find some new clothes, and helped her find a waitressing job.  Learning English from her customers in the diner and by watching television, she slowly saved her money and built her new life.

For all the remaining years of their lives, my mother helped that aunt and uncle by buying and delivering groceries, cleaning their home when they couldn’t do it any longer, finding caretakers to look after them…whatever  was needed.  They’d given her a chance at a new start in life, and she was determined to repay that kindness in any way she could.

When I remember that story, told to me many times over the years, I think of the lessons in there for me:

• If I’m feeling sorry for myself, thinking it’s too hard, too scary, or too big a dream, I just remember Mom at 19.
• If I can find a way to give someone a leg up and help them find their way, I’m going to do it.
• If there’s a way to thank the people who came before and paved the way to make my life easier, I will do it.

Thanks, Mom.  I’m glad you dreamt big.

My fellow master coach, Meadow DeVor, has written a great post about what she’s learned from her mistakes.  10 Things I’ve Learned by @#$%ing Up is a helluva read – rock on, Meadow!

• My knees are arthritic and I won’t make it.
• I won’t be able to keep up with the group.
• This is going to be too complicated (logistically).
• Who’d sign up for a retreat in Europe when I live in the U.S. and Susan lives in Dubai, anyway?

So, of course, we’re hosting a retreat in Europe. The logistics have been amazingly easy, 11 people have already expressed interest, and I’ve started walking daily to get in shape.  My knees are achy and my back’s a bit sore but so far, so good.  On this morning’s walk, longer and steeper than yesterday’s, I thought about how I’d come to find myself huffing and puffing away on hilly Christoper Lane.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #1 – About three years ago, I told a friend that I’m meant to run adventure retreats around the world.  I didn’t know how I’d do it, but I’ve always pictured a group of people with me as we explore new places and discover ourselves in the process.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #2 – A year ago, I mentioned to Susan and our friends that I’ve always known I’m meant to do some kind of walking pilgrimage.  My bookshelves are filled with books about people’s walks through the world.  Our South African friend, Boyd, said “Chris, what about the Camino?”  I filed that suggestion away.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #3 - Back in March, I was telling Susan  I wanted to find a good experiential workshop.  She’d just taken a class with Dr. David Berceli and was hooked on TRE work.  As she described the Tension Releasing Exercises process, I checked out the website.  Turned out (Coincidence? I think not!) David was running a workshop 8 miles from my home the next weekend.  I attended and got hooked, too.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #4 – Two weeks ago, I helped my cousin pack up her house for her move to North Carolina.  She kept giving me odds and ends she thought I could use, including a $10 gift card to Eastern Mountain Sports.

Seemingly Random Event/Step #5 – Last week, I went to EMS to check out walking poles.  (I figure I can use all the help I can get to support my knees.)  And, of course, they were on sale at 30% off.  With the aforementioned gift card, I spent half of what it would normally have cost.  The poles now stand next to my desk, reminding me to continue moving forward and waiting to be used on the Camino de Santiago in Spain this September.

So what’s the point of this story?- Sometimes, despite the fact that we have no idea how, with whom, or when our dreams will happen, unseen forces conspire to help pull things together.  The next time you’re feeling defeated, thinking you’ll never figure out how to make what’s next what matters in your life, just remember that there are very likely unknown blessings and messages on their way to you, too.

And if you happen to see me walking along Christopher Lane, do me a favor and give me a ride to the top of the hill!

Voice #1:  Can I say that?  Will I alienate my audience?
Voice #2:  Yes, you can, and yes, you might.  And if the audience isn’t interested in you speaking your truth, they’re not your audience.

There you have it.  Being truthful and authentic is so important that saying a word/phrase that may offend is a (perceived) risk I’m willing to take.  Something told me, though, that the phrase might have a far more innocent meaning.  It turns out I was right.

According to Urban Dictionary “balls to the wall” was “originally a military term for pushing maximum G-Forces in a jet fighter aircraft, as in pushing the ball of a throttle as high up as it will go (virtually touching the wall of the dashboard).”

So what we’re really talking about here is letting it rip.  Now that that’s settled, what’s the significance of the phrase for us?

Essential Self vs. Social Self – For some readers, this is a review.  Skip this and come back in three paragraphs.  For the rest of you, here’s a brief explanation: Martha Beck coined the term “Essential Self ” (ES, for short) to describe the part of you that’s innate.  It wouldn’t matter if you were born in Timbuktu or Topeka, to rich or poor parents.  It’s the part of you that knows exactly what you’re here to do, what makes you happy, and what feels right deep in your bones.  My ES spoke as Voice #2 above.

Your Social Self (or SS) is very much a product of Timbuktu/Topeka, rich/poor, education, parenting, religion, kindergarten, frat house, chess club and any other societal influences.  It’s the part of you that knows how to navigate/fit into society.  My SS spoke as Voice #1.

Metaphorically speaking, your ES knows the direction in which to go, and the SS buys the insurance, gets the license and drives the car.  Both “selves” are important for our survival.  We run into problems, however, when the SS plays too dominant a role in our lives.  I spend a lot of my coaching time helping people re-balance their E/S mix.

What Does “Balls to the Wall” Look Like? When I think “balls,” I think of my essential nature, delighting in this earthly experience, being loving and honest, and having one helluva good time.  I wanted it in my List O’ Words this year to remind myself not to get caught up in what others think, say or do.  When I give my ES the space she needs to c’mon out and play, life gets interesting, fun and far more abundant than when I worry about what others are up to.  Some examples:

My ES told me to go to Africa, twice.  My SS worried about the money, but arranged flights after remembering the existence of a stash of frequent flyer miles.  Result:  fabulous, life-altering experiences.

My ES told me to run a workshop with a “girl in a tutu” photo (see my Events page) in its marketing materials, while my SS briefly wondered whether it tied into my branding message.  She was overruled.  Result:  a photo that makes me laugh and captures the playful feeling of the workshop.

My ES insisted I play hooky and walk across the Brooklyn Bridge with a friend whilst wearing a cowboy hat.  My SS stayed home after realizing that cowboy hats in NYC aren’t all that weird.  Result:  not a single stare, and some seriously great ideas for future workshops were developed while walking and talking on a gorgeous day.

When was the last time your Essential Self was given the attention it deserved?  C’mon, let it rip!