I left out a part of the story in the interest of keeping the post somewhat brief. After I adjusted my attitude, I not only smiled but also asked the woman if I could have some room on the bench. She apologized for taking over the space, and moved her things. I believe that if I hadn’t adjusted my thinking first, I’d have been a lot more unkind to her, which wouldn’t have served either of us.

Had her curling iron been dangerously close to my arm, I would have moved, and asked her to be more careful. Had she been smoking, I would have asked her to stop. This post and this way of thinking, is not intended to tell anyone to stop sticking up for themselves. Rather, it’s to have them be completely honest about what’s really occurring. And, from that place of honesty and truth, make a good choice about how to take care of oneself.

I’m not really clear why your co-worker saw this as a justification to not stick up for herself. If she posts here, I’ll be happy to explore that with her.

For me, in order to adopt a practice as is suggested here, it is important to note what differentiates this situation from a situation where it IS in your best good to not simply accept reality and smile.

I thought about it for a day and determined that what differentiates this is that she wasn’t really affecting your well being very much.

Had she been smoking, or using her curling iron dangerously close to your bare arm, or using profanity in front of your young child, then the answer to the question: Is she supposed to not endanger others? is definately not: “nope” and simply accepting “what is” no longer serves me well.

My coworker with no backbone read this and saw it as a justification for her to not stick up for herself. It is easy to misread it as such because it’s missing one component. Here’s my best take at what that component is:

Do not simply feed thoughts like angry, judgy, unkind. Consider whether the situation warrants taking action (leaving the locker room, asking her politely to stop, talking to management) and if it doesn’t, THEN go through the steps above.